I Don't Plan Out My Outfits Anymore

I don’t wanna lie. There hasn’t been almost any day this year that it wasn’t hard to literally get out of my bed. I  don’t want a trophy for waking up, a task that every person alive completes every day. 

It's been almost exactly one year since I decided that it was okay to let others know what's been going on with me without fear of repercussion. 

I personally can't believe that I used to plan out my outfits every single day. Who was that girl? but you know what I  can still do? I    can wake up every day and find a new thing to enjoy, appreciate, or create. Some days maybe it's an animation. Some days it might be, for instance one of my incredible friends who has helped me so so much lately.

Today, it’s comedy. Growing up, I  worshipped the SNL gods. and by growing up, I  mean that my YouTube recommend is only Kate McKinnon. Everyone told me, for better or worse that I  danced like Kristen Wiig. Sometimes, I  look like Pete Davidson.

I   think some of the people that have most helped me along the way this year have been comedians. Without Chris Gethard, I  don’t think I  could’ve had the courage to get prescribed to medication that brought me solace. Without Tig Notaro openly talking about all the worst things in the world happening to her in one contiguous week, I  might not have gotten out of bed this morning. 

Tig Notaro's special where she confesses to the audience that first, she has cancer, her girlfriend broke up with her, and her mom has recently died and she's still hilarious.

That’s why I’m planning my open mic night. I, Jamie, am going to do an open mic night at a comedy club. And no, I    will not tell you when and where it is. I will fail where I belong, in a crowd of slightly drunk Pittsburghers who's penguins game is being interrupted by a confusing human across the room.

I  am the worlds greatest breakup cliche. I’m like The Marvelous Misses Maisel if she was not a Jewish heiress, but a person wearing her now soggy wool socks in her sandals on a rainy Pittsburgh day.

This is my first time ever performing comedy onstage. I  feel like this would fall into a lot of peoples like.. biggest anxieties 

I have anxiety, but it doesn’t manifest itself in ways that would be logical, like being anxious about making a total ass of yourself onstage. Or even what people in general think of me. I’m a college student, and I  showed up to class just today, wearing a hoodie, wool socks, and pink sandals with my accessory being a family size box of peanut butter captain crunch. I  looked like the worlds biggest toddler auditing a class. 

And I  go to Carnegie Mellon, so like, not only am I  the worst dressed, least prepared person in the room on any given day, I  am by far the dumbest. Some of these kids got like a 2400 on their SAT, I  have children’s cereal and an excuse.

so, wish me luck. Who knows what'll happen, but I  will try.